Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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