Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
