this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
