Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bring money and cleavage
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
