im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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