and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
