New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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