What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
