i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
