Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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