sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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