Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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