I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you never un-have a 4some
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
