Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
