It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
