At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize