I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no you cant smoke seaweed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize