I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
