If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
