There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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