Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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