she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
