I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would ride that face into the sunset
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
