Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
babies were throwing up all over the place
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
