Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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