the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
