i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
