she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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