I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize