if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
