First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize