So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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