you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
