So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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