escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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