I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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