Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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