Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
