i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
