Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
