If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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