Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
