I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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