so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
