Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
