This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
