My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
