i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
