She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
