i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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