If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
