Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
