did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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