I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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