Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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