just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She even gives head with a lisp.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
