Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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