Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
