Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
