put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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