Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
