Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
