He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
