I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
