headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
