One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
